Stay retired Brett or: Why ESPN is nearly dead to me
By Chris Burke
Well, ESPN has done it again.
In the midst of all this Brett Favre ridiculousness, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network has, one more time, gone above and beyond to make itself unwatchable.
It all started last week when Favre let ESPN's Chris Mortensen in on the “secret” that he wanted to play football in 2008-09.
Scratch that.
This particular hubbub started back in December when Favre started hinting at retirement, then reached a fever pitch in early March when he made it “official.”
Thankfully, things later died down ? for about three months.
Then Favre gave a little wink and a nod to Mortensen and, Oh Suzannah!, here we go again.
On Saturday morning, I flipped on ESPN to catch some baseball highlights. This decision, of course, being contingent on ESPN actually showing some game highlights.
Instead, there was an incredibly lengthy segment on Favre because (gasp!) he had text messaged the Green Bay GM, in hopes of being released from his contract.
In case you're keeping score at home: One baseball game = 15 seconds of highlights; One Brett Favre text message = 15 minutes of blabber.
Personally, I cannot take it anymore.
During the NBA playoffs, the stories were LeBron, Kobe, and Boston's Big Three ? not necessarily which teams were winning.
Football? It's Tom Brady and Peyton Manning and Captain Terrific Favre.
And do not even get me started on hockey. One of the ultimate team games fell off the face of ESPN's earth after the Gretzkys and Lemieuxs of the world left. You can now find NHL games on the Versus network by wrapping aluminum foil around an antenna and pointing it directly down the toilet.
I am not really sure what happened here.
I remember, when I was younger, getting up before school and catching the early-morning SportsCenter while I got ready. It was packed with film from the past night's games.
Now “Remember when ESPN used to show highlights?” is right up there with “Remember when MTV had music videos?”
All this rambling, somehow, brings me back to this Favre saga.
Look, can we be honest about his whole, big desire to come back from retirement? Favre has missed zero mandatory practices and zero games.
Essentially, he has taken a long vacation.
In fact, let me take a quick second to suggest eliminating the phrase “retired player” from the general lexicon. Too many guys are coming back these days for that saying to hold any significant relevance.
From now on, any player not currently in uniform is “on hiatus, until deceased.”
Would that prevent ESPN from blowing these things out of proportion? Probably not, seeing as how every single thing the network does is an over-the-top spectacle.
Just watch an ESPN baseball broadcast, and you will see what they actually think of sports these days.
The games, they believe, are not enough to hold your interest. That's why, for baseball, you get Pitch Tracker, 45 instant replay angles, breaks for SportsCenter updates every 30 minutes, and sideline reporters.
At baseball games.
There's not even a sideline.
I realize that Favre going on hiatus, until deceased, would not solve all of these problems. ESPN would find a new superstar to latch on to.
But a Favre disappearance would at least stem the tide for now. I guess that is all I can ask for.
That, and maybe a darn highlight or two.